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Quote:
“Every six months or so, I think it’s important to try and find out who you are. I (still) have no clue.” –my HS friend Amanda

I feel like I have a good grasp of who I am. But what I am truly good at? What do I truly enjoy? What do I want to be when I grow up? Where is my niche?
I know I value time with my family, living a comfortable life (which means having enough money to support my current lifestyle), making a difference & doing what I am supposed to be doing. I don't mind working hard, but I want to work smarter not harder. I want to do what I do best everyday & excel at it everyday.

I don't understand why there has to be a rat race. We are literally making our selves sick & working ourselves to death. Instead I want my work to be a joy, an extension of me as a person. And I want a career, not a job. I want to postively impact those I serve/teach/work with & also impress those I work for. Is this possible? Is it possible for me? Am I capable? Is it possible for anyone?

I have concluded that I hate failing. At work today I am supposed to juggle 100 balls. I am capable of juggling most of them - if I do enough to get by. I don't want to do enough to get by! I want to be innovative, resourceful, smart, strategic about my actions. I want to impact the system & the people. I want what I do each day to lead to better outcomes in our healthcare facilities. I hate simply checking off things from the endless to-do list.

And I have also concluded that I am not giving up the dream that I can do this. I don't want to settle for mundane or mediocre in anything I do. I want my relationships and my labors to be extraordinary. I won't accept anything less.

And those are the only conclusions I have come to. I hope that somehow, someday I will learn how to consitently excel (I think I need an administrative assistant - or less job responsibilities). Until then I will practice the art of prioritization & knowing when & how to say no. And I will try to forgive myself for "dropping the ball".

I am so tired of being tired - mentally, emotionally & physically...Fun times in the reality of adulthood!